I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
