I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
