So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
