Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
