Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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