cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
