pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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