the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
