And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
