I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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