Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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