i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
