I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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