I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
