Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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