i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
