i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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