after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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