dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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