yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
