When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
