why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
