Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
