How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
