I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
