either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
