Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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