Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
