I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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