I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
