You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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