I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
