I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
