Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
