I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
