hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
