i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
