if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
