Cold hands, warm shart.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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