Nicole vs. Life
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
