I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How's work?
Spinning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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