that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I understand Curling. That high.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
