:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ketchup is God's man juice
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
