i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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