The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
