Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
