If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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