He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
