i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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