I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
