there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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