just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
