sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
