Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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