i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
