gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
no more duck duck goose at the bar
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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