i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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