she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
