help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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