I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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