I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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