I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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