tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
