So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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