It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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