Christians are straight up FREAKS
hotel room ftw
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
