so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
