My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
