So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
