woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
