apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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