is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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