omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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